Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
