I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
