last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
