Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
vagina is talking i cant
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
