We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
where am i from again
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
