Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
