i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
