...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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