my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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