He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
