Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
