The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
