dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
