I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
