You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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