Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
