he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
