i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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