if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
