I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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