I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize