She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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