her vagine was all disorganized.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
