I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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