It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
