Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
