He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
