Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize