when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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