If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
