Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
