first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
