it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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