you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
