Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize