i drank out of a bidet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
