1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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