Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
