i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
