She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
