i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
