They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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