you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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