Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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