dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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