JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
