4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
