Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
