The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
