About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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