I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
