At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
