its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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