Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
