Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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