and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
