Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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