Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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