I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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