stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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