id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh god it's open bar.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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