I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
40s are totally the cure
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm like, not good at living.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
