My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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