last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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