sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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