i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
