in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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