I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize